I never realized how much Alaska was a part of my identity until recently. Not for the reasons you'd think, such as people calling me Alaska, or recognizing me because I am from there, or even how often I use the Alaska Card, but simply thinking about getting New York State residency. The past couple of days I have been looking into getting residency as I'll be here for school for three years and it would mean saving about 12,000 or more in tuition. As I learn about it and start to wrap my head around it, the reality is actually sinking in and it makes me a little sick to my stomach. I don't want to give up my Alaska residency. I don't want to stop being Alaskan. I know that I will always be Alaskan; I was born there, I grew up there, it's home and will always be where my heart is. Still, it feels weird that I would be actually moving to another state. Voting with another state. Being part of some other community.
Another thing creating butterflies in my stomach is the travel bug. I definitely have it and it's making me sick and nervous not doing anything with it. I feel like traveling is part of my identity. I need to do it and I yearn to do it. I'm feeling pressure from unknown sources (most likely my mind, my over analytical, anxiety-filled mind) that I won't have the life I want. The life of traveling everywhere, seeing all the things I want to see. I'm trying to pay attention to so many things, trying not to miss opportunity, but in spreading myself so thin, I think that I am. What is an identity of a traveler? Do I get to be a traveler or am I a traveler? Do I actually have it in me and will I do it?
Not knowing is creating a nervousness inside that is most likely the reason behind those times when I don't know why I'm crying.
Is it the moving for good that scares me or is it the fact that legally I won't be Alaskan? Both, most likely. Is it the feeling I won't get to travel scaring me? Or am I scared of the meaning behind why I feel like that? Am I possibly over worrying and over analyzing? MOST DEFINITELY YES.
Will that stop me? UNFORTUNATELY NOT.
Crisis not averted, but subdued. More on this next time, Love your Alaskan(?) Traveler(?) Student(!)
Do the math to weight the long term cost benefits for both. Perhaps wait to change residency after your first full semester. One day at a time!
ReplyDeleteSo here's a dad's point of view:
ReplyDeleteYou just got there. Give it time (like Julia said!) Travelers will eventually find a 'home base'. It does not make them any less traveled. Take your time and do what you went there to do which is learn for now so that you can travel extensively later. Money is not everything and besides you are young and can always make more money later. Politically, people should not vote (on local issues) where they don't have any desire to stay long term.
You have lots of time don't be in a rush to change when there is already so much going on.
I was having the same thoughts when I was moving all over (including when I was in Alaska for a short time). I was not looking to give up complete residency, but at least get a new drivers license. I ended up putting it off until I no longer second guessed myself. (still didn't get that Alaska d.l. but oh well =[ )
ReplyDeleteI'm sure you'll make a decision that is best for you. Trust yourself. You are such a smart, young lady.
~Selena B.