A month goes by fast

Way faster than I anticipated. Blogging is harder work than I thought.
I have my last final at 8 AM tomorrow morning and will be returning home shortly for month.
I'm looking forward to seeing my family, my boyfriend, and my friends; I've missed them all so much. I've missed the food (especially the Thai food), the snow, and what is quite possibly one of the only remaining Blockbusters in the US. I'll miss my wonderful roommate and my friends here, but I'll see them in about a month, give or take.
I've already started thinking about my New Years Resolutions. First on the list (as always) KEEP the resolutions going beyond January 3rd. This is the most challenging by far.
Then the list is beginning as followed:

• Keep in better contact with my friends thousands of miles away and my family. I've done alright, but I'd like to do better.
• Blog more! I'd like to evolve it and make it more enticing. But really the goal is just MORE.
• Form a workout habit. (They say this takes three weeks? Four weeks? I'm not sure. I'll let you know.)
• Get involved with another organization on campus. 

And it is continuing to grow. I hope everyone is already dreaming up their resolutions. Why wait for the New Year? We still have the rest of December 2014 to light a new fire underneath us. 

Getting Back To Normal

After an unintentional few weeks hiatus from blog posting, here are some brief updates on life as a student on The Island: 

 (note these are not in chronological order, but in the order my head groups them in)

• Trip to ProPublica and New York Daily News was an amazing success. I heard thoughts on the future of Journalism from Editor-in-Chief of ProPublica, Stephen Engelberg. At NY Daily, I picked up some tips on what it takes to get hired.
• I went on another trip the next weekend, this time I visited CBS and Al Jazeera America. Sat in the 60 minute screening room talking to executive producer, Jeffery Fager, and toured CBS studios and control room. At Al Jazeera America, which is only about a year old, we met with Marcy McGinnis, Senior Vice President of newsgathering and former professor at SBU. A very successful and informative trip, I'll be writing a blog post about the Professional Friday experience.
• After that trip, I stayed in the city WITH a friend. We were going to go to free night at MoMA, however the line went down multiple blocks and around the corner. Proving my economics teacher was right- nothing is ever truly "free". (Again, another post will be all about the hilarious time I had in the city.)
• Halloween came and I partied as Fire Bird at a small get together. Did some salsa. A successful night. 
• Got the Tinder App for fun- after pressure from the roommate. Though I'm not single, it's proved to be a fun experiment, maybe I'll write a news piece on it. 
• Been attempting to go to Toast again for the past two weekends...this weekend we WILL be successful!

As to why I haven't posted in a while: School has been busy, as the semester comes to a close, everything seems to pile up. It's at that time in the semester where everyone needs a break. I'm hoping after this next week is over, I won't feel that way. Next week there are two group project due and a test, so it won't be a stroll in the park. 
Will post soon- thank you to any one who reads this.

Enjoying New York State

I haven't had an opportunity to visit the Big Apple since I arrived at school (but I will soon- and I have all my years here to do it!). I will be going to NYC on Halloween with the School of Journalism to visit ProPublica and New York Daily News- exciting and only 10 dollars!

I have had the opportunity to visit some other places in New York (or at least see them on Rugby trips). One of the places I've visited the most is Port Jefferson and I've definitely fallen in love. It has a charming marina and the old town feeling that is so comforting. So many delicious places to eat: The Wave, Toast (possibly the best brunch), Sweet&Sassy Crepery, and the biggest candy shop that would make any sweet tooth ache, Frigate.  It's worth mentioning that Port Jeff has what could be my favorite store I've found- a store dedicated to board games. It's amazing and has every version of monopoly you could ever want...or not want at all.

 

 Pictured: Tasty Rum Raisin Ice Cream and one part of the shop. Not pictured: THE REST OF IT.

I'm still enjoying Port Jeff every time I visit (it's fairly easy for me; the bus comes here and its free on the weekends for students). I've also visited Island Thrift shop and Kings Point as well as Stony Brook Village and Avalon Park. 

I definitely miss home, but exploring makes my time away enjoyable. Plus, when I go back home I can tell all about the foreign East Coast Eats and Bodegas.

Challenge Accepted

       I recently, as in seconds ago, posted a video to Facebook about how the world has become disconnected with itself due to technology. I wholeheartedly agree with him; it's a sad realization. What even more sad is that we all recognize it, but rarely do I see individuals do something about it. Small things in everyday life. Including myself.
      Now technology is a useful thing. Social media is a revolution that has proven very powerful. For the path I am choosing as a passion and career, I need it as a tool. But I have made a promise to myself to only use it as a tool. To build and not fuss around, to not let it consume me. It's only tool. As is money. But friendship and connectedness isn't a tool, it's a gift. 
          So I've chosen to challenge myself (and anyone else) to at least twice a day talk to someone new or old instead of looking to their phone for entertainment. Look to people for entertainment, be entertaining. We are in these situations everyday where we can meet someone new or help someone or even make conversation but we all turn to our devices and not to others. We hide behind our phones like shields; we can say brilliant words in 140 characters, but why are we scared to say them in real life settings? 

Challenge: Don't Turn to The Phone. Turn to the person sitting next to you in class, waiting in line, waiting for a performance to start. Be social for real.

Directions

Sometimes we need to stop and ask for them.

I've been feeling that I need to take a more structured direction with this blog.

Or, perhaps, start a new blog with a structured direction and keep this one for my personal flippity floppity bibbity boppity crash bang feelings and update blog. 

Either way, I kind of need a direction to go in.

My interests? That's vague, but a few prominent ones could work together. 

Maybe what I need more than direction is purpose. 

When I find them both, hopefully soon, I'll make a new fancy blog, but keep this one for myself and whomever is actually reading it. One to actually promote and use in a professional sense, and this one to just write, like a personal but open journal for myself and my friends and family.

To be thought about until further notice.

Back on track just not the literal track.

             Everything seems to be coming together on the Island and in the Brook; I see an opportunity for travels to India (soon) and Ireland (not so soon, still a dream), as well as some other places on the globe. I'm confident that I chose the (or a?) right school. If I use my own abilities and their opportunities and help, I'm sure I can go where I want to in my life.
              It definitely helps that I am lucky enough to be supported by some of the most wonderful people. My parents, my sister and brothers, my aunts and uncle, my boyfriend, his parents, so many family-friends, and my close friends, as well as the new ones I'm making. It's so very easy to feel alone here; it's new, it's hard to get around (mostly because I have no sense of orientation), and it's easy to disconnect from life and people here because I'm not too invested yet. But when this feeling comes on you just have to push it back with all your strength and with confidence remind yourself that you aren't alone and you have to remain happy even when those you love can't be there. People's presence can make you happy, but you can't rely on them for your happiness.
             Keeping busy helps. Rugby keeps me plenty busy and gives me a new and fun social group, with some very awesome people. My roommate is busy and sometimes we are busy together, which is nice. When I'm not busy, I search for things to fill the void. First, homework, then comes organization. Organization is a great help to me; Not only to I kind of have to organize my room every week (as I'm still adjusting on how best to organize to much stuff efficiently), but it also allows me time to organize my thoughts, which keeps me on track with school and goals. Then, depending on the day and my mood, adventuring or a movie, maybe with friends or maybe solo.
            Slowly, I'm getting back to the actual track for Rugby. I went to the doctor and he said I had tendonitis, so I took a week off. No running, no sprinting, no playing. Yesterday, I did some of practice, but perhaps a little more than I should have. Tendonitis is a tricky thing, but it improves with care.
         I'm also getting back on track with this blog. I've been neglecting it a while, time to give it some TLC.

Get Inspired, Be Inspiring.

        Time to get real. I'm saying this to myself. I'm over the period of initial transfer, wherein people ask about you, where you are from, what you do, why the hell you moved from Alaska to a 'random' place like Stony Brook. I feel in myself that I've become boring. I know it's not that I am boring, but simply one cannot talk about themselves forever without anything else for input. It's tiring.
       The first few times I got the "Alaska Reaction" it was okay, I'm excited to tell people about Alaska. But after a while when asked where are you from, I'd mumble slowly "...Alaska.." I'm a little done with it. Not done with telling people about Alaska, it will always be awesome and beautiful and wonderful, but just done with the big reaction towards myself. I want to feel that awe about someone else.
      So, I've made the executive decision to make my life more interesting and I truly believe to do this you must be inspired by other people. You must learn about and talk about others accomplishments and weird attributes. A person who listens and encourages others is a crucial part in being a person who inspires others. An interesting story creates but a spark of inspiration and I want a flame.
      Overall, I feel like the boring parts are coming from a rut that I'm stuck in and the only way out is indulging in others stories, moving away from my own. Then to create a balance and mutual giving and sharing. This is where the fun starts; when you can bounce off one another, whether it's funny, sad, or serious, is where you stop feeling boring and start being interesting. I guess what I'm really missing is friendship. But don't worry I have some friendships budding and blooming with my roommate and with my new team.

Frozen lands and Hazelnut Coffee

         It's funny how many things remind me of home or people I miss. Sometimes it's the random things and things I knew I enjoyed but didn't realize I loved. Hazelnut Coffee- always has been one of my favorite flavors of coffee, was definitely the coffee that put me in the best mood and cheered me up. Today, I jumped at the chance when I saw hazelnut was being brewed in the Union Cafe. When I started drinking it, it reminded me of my dorm at UAF, driving to work in the summer after getting coffee and a bagel at Bruegger's, and just gave me a general happy feeling.
              One that surprised me more was warm socks. After weeks of not really wearing socks (because, honestly, why- it's too hot), I put on a pair of cozy socks so I could put ice over my ankles. As soon as I had them on, I was so comfortable and happy. I had missed them, but not really recognized that I missed them. Another that blindsided me: the cold. I miss the cold so much. Maybe not 20 below, but at least below freezing. Never really thought of myself as a cold weather person, but if I'm not, I'm at least a temperate weather person. The heat is nice- for a little bit...and if I'm on vacation...on the beach. But the cold for me is just as wonderful as the heat is for others. It's cozy, homey, and all around beautiful.
            This isn't a sad commentary about how much I miss home (although, it's true I miss it in all it's beauty, but I know I'll go back now and then). This is me embracing this new experience of how being away from home and normalcy makes you get to know yourself more.
              By being out of our comfort zone we are pushed to recognize what we feel strongly towards and what we have little care for. I like to think that one reason for this is because you now are the only thing truly from your home, now it's up to you to create the homey feeling which we all crave no matter where we go. It creates honesty with yourself and, for me, a lot of fun finding out what things I really love and then wanting to truly embrace them. It's the kind of experience that is perfect for instilling passion in yourself and connecting with others. There is much I now realize I didn't actually do back home that will now be items to check off my list when I return. This is probably the best thing about being so far away.

Identity Crisis?

         I never realized how much Alaska was a part of my identity until recently. Not for the reasons you'd think, such as people calling me Alaska, or recognizing me because I am from there, or even how often I use the Alaska Card, but simply thinking about getting New York State residency. The past couple of days I have been looking into getting residency as I'll be here for school for three years and it would mean saving about 12,000 or more in tuition. As I learn about it and start to wrap my head around it, the reality is actually sinking in and it makes me a little sick to my stomach. I don't want to give up my Alaska residency. I don't want to stop being Alaskan. I know that I will always be Alaskan; I was born there, I grew up there, it's home and will always be where my heart is. Still, it feels weird that I would be actually moving to another state. Voting with another state. Being part of some other community.
         Another thing creating butterflies in my stomach is the travel bug. I definitely have it and it's making me sick and nervous not doing anything with it. I feel like traveling is part of my identity. I need to do it and I yearn to do it. I'm feeling pressure from unknown sources (most likely my mind, my over analytical, anxiety-filled mind) that I won't have the life I want. The life of traveling everywhere, seeing all the things I want to see. I'm trying to pay attention to so many things, trying not to miss opportunity, but in spreading myself so thin, I think that I am. What is an identity of a traveler? Do I get to be a traveler or am I a traveler? Do I actually have it in me and will I do it?
Not knowing is creating a nervousness inside that is most likely the reason behind those times when I don't know why I'm crying.
            Is it the moving for good that scares me or is it the fact that legally I won't be Alaskan? Both, most likely. Is it the feeling I won't get to travel scaring me? Or am I scared of the meaning behind why I feel like that? Am I possibly over worrying and over analyzing? MOST DEFINITELY YES. 
Will that stop me? UNFORTUNATELY NOT.

Crisis not averted, but subdued. More on this next time, Love your Alaskan(?) Traveler(?) Student(!)

Sweat, Baby, Sweat

         I'm not sure I've ever sweat this much. It takes some getting used to that you will sweat no matter what you are doing. Just got out of the shower, nice and clean- too bad, you're sweating. Sitting in your dorm writing on your blog- sweat. Caution: walking, day or night, leads to sweat. I've been trying to embrace it, but it's hard. Also, gross.
         On the topic of sweat, I'll be possibly playing in the Women's Rugby game tomorrow at noon. Regardless, I'll still be cleating up and warming up, but I hope to play, it's really the only way I'll learn and improve. So far, rugby has been awesome and I'm slowly learning, hopefully getting better, but I'm probably not the best judge of that.

In Other News:
          My roomie got a working fridge! YAY! This is exciting. Extremely exciting. Especially after the ordeal of Fridge Numero Uno that forgot how to fridge. It decided to succumb to the Long Island way and decide to just stay room temperature...which for us here on the third floor is somewhere in the fifth level of hell.
          I've been secretly planning a snow dance in hopes that I will see it here on The Island. Hopefully this works, as my rain hopes came true. And if it does snow, I'm sorry Long Island, you can pin that one on me. I'll take the blame. But I'm scared that the dorm, ignoring any outside temperature drop, will remain to be forever the fifth circle in the Inferno. This would be a tragedy.

I'm Back! With Good News!

From the News Blackout and my apparent hiatus from blogging. But good news from the Island:

IT'S RAINING.

I've never been so happy to see and feel rain in my entire life. Me and the roomie ventured to the outside. To her it feels like home. To me it feels like anti-heat, which is pretty much as close to home as this place may get. Rumor has it, the Island has a spazz when there is an inch of snow. Let's see what my snow dance brings, as my rain dance was fruitful. 

This week has taught me a lot. In the sports realm it has been like this:

Rugby: It's awesome, all around. The girls are nice and tough, the game is fun, the coaches are tough, but helpful and nice. Also, it may break me. Until I get in proper shape, my legs will move like Frankenstein's monster. And my body will be sore in every possible way.

Equestrian Team: Maybe worth it, maybe not. The girls do not seem as helpful as the rugby girls and I have to do everything myself even though I literally have no clue about anything and know no one. But I'm feeling my love for riding creating an ache in me. So I may have to bite the bullet in order to pursue an activity I love.

Other lessons that have been featured this week are:

• Never use the second door of the transit bus to enter. Your groceries will get stuck and you will look like a monkey gripping a banana in a jar. Whilst others will simply stare at you, not helping in anyway, such as agreeing to hold your stuff or agreeing to tell the bus driver about your situation even when you ask. Others outside the buss will offer helpful, sane advice, which you will ignore due to your anger at the people inside. All together: It's a bad idea.
• Always read the fine print. Otherwise you and your roommate will sit there waiting for a bus that will not show on Sundays and missing the two others that would take you to the mall.
• Don't venture to the creepy basement with out a buddy. The laundry room lights will not work and you will have to drag all your stuff back up to the third floor. 
• Do stick it to the man by sneaking trailmix into the football game, but don't put it back in your purse open. It will be an awkward thing for you to dump out of your purse in public when you realize days later that it spilled everywhere. 

There was more, I'm sure, but those are the highlights. Have a good day, hopefully you can be less awkward and klutzy than me!

Double Post!

         This image and quote I see floating all over Facebook has always bothered me. I was about to comment on the persons post, but decided through better judgement I should rather voice my opinion through my own blog and not offend her/him with any of my own ideas. It's easier this way. Still I feel like this image needs to be addressed. I wholeheartedly disagree with this. No amount of persuasion will lead me to agree. If you were spanked as a child and have respect, which does not stem or is based in fear, than I believe this more likely a correlation, which is not causation.

         There are many reasons spanking is dying out in parenting methods. My parents, whom were spanked as children, did not spank me nor did they my siblings. Spanking may command respect, but often out of fear and or hatred. Simply as one would not hit another student on a playground who has cheated at kickball, a parent should not hit their child for misbehavior. After many spankings, it can become an insignificant discipline.
          I feel that this campaign, if you would like to call it that, is based in ignorance. I would hope that the people reposting this are not privy to cases in which spanking has been so severe it has emotionally impacted the individual or that they are not aware of other effective parenting methods. I think this campaign is based in the assumption that our youth population is not disciplined enough or are disrespectful. However, effective discipline should come from a place of love and caring and respect is not an enforced rule, but a result of knowledge and learning.
           I agree that this is my opinion and everyone is entitled to their own. If you would like to share yours, whether it is different or similar to my own, please do, but I ask that you do so in a respectful manner and demonstrate that their is value and reason in others opinion.

     

An Alaskan in Hot Weather

       It's hot here. I mean, it gets hot in Squarebanks, but there isn't humidity and I feel like it's just different. 80 in Alaska, is hot, but I can live with it. 80 on the Island? Nope. My drawers are a mess due to the fact that every time I go to get dressed, everything is too hot and I fling it off myself and into the drawer in a frustrated tantrum. To make it worse, there is no air conditioning in my dorm. Normally, this wouldn't be a problem, but considering the third floor is equivalent to a stuffy old closet on the fourth level of hell, my little fan is not enough to make this room feel the least bit normal.
        This should be a disability-- I'm not equipped to handle this heat. The only things I can wear are shorts and light tops. I have limited shorts and my tops all feel too hot. Plus, I'm sweating all the time, so that makes it difficult to feel comfortable in clothes. SBU: Can we please be a nudist colony campus? It may make the heat tolerable.
            I looked at the monthly forecast- it stays this hot all the way through September!!! I thought all months that end in -ber were supposed to be cold! When is fall? I really can't wait for that to come. Either I'm going to spend a lot washing and rewashing my only suitable clothes or I'm going to need to invest in a few more summer pieces. And I mean SUMMER, New York. Not these long pants and jackets I see many wearing. It's far too hot for pants.
Till this Alaskan becomes acclimated to the hot Long Island whatever this extremely long season is called, it's no pants.
Love the sunburned, sweating Alaskan on the Island.

Turbulence...

      But hopefully clear skies ahead. It's hard adapting to life on the island. On one hand many things are the same; of course, there are mean people and unhappy people everywhere. But I can't decide if dorm life is better at UAF or SBU. Except dining. SBU, you are the clear winner on that ( Sorry, Tilley). But I went down to the kitchen today to heat water (because I can't use my electric kettle in my room- or have a microwave) and it put a damper on my morning. It's in the creepy, dank basement. The colors are all pale. There is no fridge. It's a run-down ghost town, not the jovial place a kitchen is supposed to be. I can't eat in a depressing place- food is too precious. I suppose this means UAF Moore Hall has a pretty swanky kitchen, so snaps for that.
           I'm trying to get to know people in my department, but it's hard. I walked into the Newsroom because it said School of Journalism and I had not been there for a tour in June, wasn't exactly a helpful bunch. Then I wandered up to no man's land- aka the fourth floor, aka the Journalism department, but they had mostly gone home for the day. As I walked back down...and down...and down the long empty hallways, I couldn't help but feel alone. Mainly because I literally was, but partly because I don't have many people here I know.
I have my roommate, who is awesome. Also, two girls who live on the floor below us, whom are extremely sweet. But I don't have any classes with them during the day. I kind of feel lost not knowing anyone or recognizing anyone. It's weird to come from a place where if I don't know you, I know someone that does. Or I recognize you from that one time at that one place. You know, for the thing? Then I'm stranded on the island where if I don't know you, it seems likely to stay that way.
           I sat in silence today for about twenty minutes waiting for my linguistics professor. The whole time wondering why I wasn't speaking. Or why no one else was. It killed my to sit there; everyone on there phones. Has it always been like this? Before cellphones did people actually fill silences with talking? Have phones made us scared to actually speak or are we just naturally cowards?
I'm not sure, perhaps I'll find the answers soon.
This is a bit cynical due to my lack of inspiration and my loneliness during the school hours, so take my ranting with a grain of salt.

Laughing is lovely. Or Not.

         A little fun was had today amidst all the welcoming and talking that was my scheduled day. The pep band was enjoyable (and different, it's a little cold for them in AK. Also, no football. And hockey is on ice). The game show built into the informative section was very fun as well as the interesting skits about pressure, violence, and substance abuse. The least enjoyable was not the long-winded talks nor was it the numerous videos we watched as the hours ticked past, but it was in fact a certain lack of maturity I found in some of my transfer peers that made me (most likely literally) shake my head.
            I admit, I too was taken aback by the bewildering appearance of the lady whom appeared on the video. Did I think she looked comical? YES. I mean, woah. But did I laugh? No. And did I laugh louder and continuously throughout the video? No. A little laughter could have been forgiven, but the amount was simply ridiculous. She was obviously employed at SBU, what if she was there? That's really all I could think. How horrible she would feel if she heard these students laughing at her. Or how horrible someone who knew her would feel. It's not that I didn't find it funny, but these things we must keep to ourselves. No matter how someone looks or acts, they don't deserve the hurt and embarrassment. Sometimes we may think things are funny that are not good things to laugh at. As respectable people, we have to learn to suppress the laughter and, furthermore, we should try to forget the humor we find in it.

For today this is all. Although there were more adventures, they might take away from this reflective experience. So, for now, Goodnight.

It Is Official...

I'm in Stony Brook. Even as I traveled, it seemed that with every plane I took, going further East, things became more bizarre. Simply meaning it wasn't like home.
 I started traveling with my dad at 1:30 AM Alaska Time from Squarebanks and arrived in LaGuardia, NY around 8:45 PM Eastern, then arrived at our hotel in Stony Brook around 10 PM. It was 16.5 hours of traveling time, but at least I had something familiar, my dad.
The culture on Long Island is pretty different from Alaska. There are good people and nice people and bad people and mean people everywhere. Also I genuinely believe most humans are driven by the same emotions and needs, so in this respect it's not so different. But rather it is in the way things are accepted, perceived, dealt with, and organized.
The size of Stony Brook University doesn't phase me. UAF was of comparable size and built on two hills. But here I am not being able to have a microwave or an electric kettle in my room. Having to get a work order to debunk the beds (because I'm pretty sure we don't have a third roommate). When the hotel driver brought us to the completely wrong place and there were no sidewalks to walk on (in fact is was a loading bay in which he disposed of us), the building we walked into we were shooed out. I insisted to the woman that I knew this was not the right building, however there are no sidewalks, I just needed somewhere to walk through with my big luggage. Finally, we settled that.
But at UAF, we were allowed microwaves and an electric kettle. We bunked and debunked out own beds, not without recruiting some taller people. If I walked into a building with luggage, I would be directed and helped, not shooed out (although, I think this was perhaps a fluke. Most people would have helped at SBU).
Today was long and tiring and if I had my choice now I'd click my heels and scream "There's no place like home!" But I know it will get better. I will learn my way around; the Island and the culture. I'll have fun, meet people, maybe even make friends. Sometimes you have to force feed yourself the words: This is what you want. This will be good.
And sometimes you choke.

It's Getting Official

I suppose it was already official when I got accepted to Stony Brook or when I started the process of handing in all these papers with my name and information on them to the institution. But now it feels official. It feels real.
Because now I have my flight reservations for August. Not only will I be enrolled, but I will actually BE in Stony Book, NY.
It's a weird feeling, leaving everything I know here and love here, knowing already things I'll miss. But it's in hopes of finding even more things to love and more things to miss. I've been bitten by the travel bug for a long time and I think it gave me a chronic illness.
I hate this feeling, but I crave this feeling.
I know I'll miss so many things, but I can't miss it if I don't leave. I don't want to miss anything (when it gets down to the simplistic: missing things sucks) but not leaving isn't an option.
As is with most things, I have conflicting emotions, almost overwhelming.
Nevertheless, I can't wait to start what I know to be the start of many adventures.