Get Inspired, Be Inspiring.

        Time to get real. I'm saying this to myself. I'm over the period of initial transfer, wherein people ask about you, where you are from, what you do, why the hell you moved from Alaska to a 'random' place like Stony Brook. I feel in myself that I've become boring. I know it's not that I am boring, but simply one cannot talk about themselves forever without anything else for input. It's tiring.
       The first few times I got the "Alaska Reaction" it was okay, I'm excited to tell people about Alaska. But after a while when asked where are you from, I'd mumble slowly "...Alaska.." I'm a little done with it. Not done with telling people about Alaska, it will always be awesome and beautiful and wonderful, but just done with the big reaction towards myself. I want to feel that awe about someone else.
      So, I've made the executive decision to make my life more interesting and I truly believe to do this you must be inspired by other people. You must learn about and talk about others accomplishments and weird attributes. A person who listens and encourages others is a crucial part in being a person who inspires others. An interesting story creates but a spark of inspiration and I want a flame.
      Overall, I feel like the boring parts are coming from a rut that I'm stuck in and the only way out is indulging in others stories, moving away from my own. Then to create a balance and mutual giving and sharing. This is where the fun starts; when you can bounce off one another, whether it's funny, sad, or serious, is where you stop feeling boring and start being interesting. I guess what I'm really missing is friendship. But don't worry I have some friendships budding and blooming with my roommate and with my new team.

Frozen lands and Hazelnut Coffee

         It's funny how many things remind me of home or people I miss. Sometimes it's the random things and things I knew I enjoyed but didn't realize I loved. Hazelnut Coffee- always has been one of my favorite flavors of coffee, was definitely the coffee that put me in the best mood and cheered me up. Today, I jumped at the chance when I saw hazelnut was being brewed in the Union Cafe. When I started drinking it, it reminded me of my dorm at UAF, driving to work in the summer after getting coffee and a bagel at Bruegger's, and just gave me a general happy feeling.
              One that surprised me more was warm socks. After weeks of not really wearing socks (because, honestly, why- it's too hot), I put on a pair of cozy socks so I could put ice over my ankles. As soon as I had them on, I was so comfortable and happy. I had missed them, but not really recognized that I missed them. Another that blindsided me: the cold. I miss the cold so much. Maybe not 20 below, but at least below freezing. Never really thought of myself as a cold weather person, but if I'm not, I'm at least a temperate weather person. The heat is nice- for a little bit...and if I'm on vacation...on the beach. But the cold for me is just as wonderful as the heat is for others. It's cozy, homey, and all around beautiful.
            This isn't a sad commentary about how much I miss home (although, it's true I miss it in all it's beauty, but I know I'll go back now and then). This is me embracing this new experience of how being away from home and normalcy makes you get to know yourself more.
              By being out of our comfort zone we are pushed to recognize what we feel strongly towards and what we have little care for. I like to think that one reason for this is because you now are the only thing truly from your home, now it's up to you to create the homey feeling which we all crave no matter where we go. It creates honesty with yourself and, for me, a lot of fun finding out what things I really love and then wanting to truly embrace them. It's the kind of experience that is perfect for instilling passion in yourself and connecting with others. There is much I now realize I didn't actually do back home that will now be items to check off my list when I return. This is probably the best thing about being so far away.

Identity Crisis?

         I never realized how much Alaska was a part of my identity until recently. Not for the reasons you'd think, such as people calling me Alaska, or recognizing me because I am from there, or even how often I use the Alaska Card, but simply thinking about getting New York State residency. The past couple of days I have been looking into getting residency as I'll be here for school for three years and it would mean saving about 12,000 or more in tuition. As I learn about it and start to wrap my head around it, the reality is actually sinking in and it makes me a little sick to my stomach. I don't want to give up my Alaska residency. I don't want to stop being Alaskan. I know that I will always be Alaskan; I was born there, I grew up there, it's home and will always be where my heart is. Still, it feels weird that I would be actually moving to another state. Voting with another state. Being part of some other community.
         Another thing creating butterflies in my stomach is the travel bug. I definitely have it and it's making me sick and nervous not doing anything with it. I feel like traveling is part of my identity. I need to do it and I yearn to do it. I'm feeling pressure from unknown sources (most likely my mind, my over analytical, anxiety-filled mind) that I won't have the life I want. The life of traveling everywhere, seeing all the things I want to see. I'm trying to pay attention to so many things, trying not to miss opportunity, but in spreading myself so thin, I think that I am. What is an identity of a traveler? Do I get to be a traveler or am I a traveler? Do I actually have it in me and will I do it?
Not knowing is creating a nervousness inside that is most likely the reason behind those times when I don't know why I'm crying.
            Is it the moving for good that scares me or is it the fact that legally I won't be Alaskan? Both, most likely. Is it the feeling I won't get to travel scaring me? Or am I scared of the meaning behind why I feel like that? Am I possibly over worrying and over analyzing? MOST DEFINITELY YES. 
Will that stop me? UNFORTUNATELY NOT.

Crisis not averted, but subdued. More on this next time, Love your Alaskan(?) Traveler(?) Student(!)

Sweat, Baby, Sweat

         I'm not sure I've ever sweat this much. It takes some getting used to that you will sweat no matter what you are doing. Just got out of the shower, nice and clean- too bad, you're sweating. Sitting in your dorm writing on your blog- sweat. Caution: walking, day or night, leads to sweat. I've been trying to embrace it, but it's hard. Also, gross.
         On the topic of sweat, I'll be possibly playing in the Women's Rugby game tomorrow at noon. Regardless, I'll still be cleating up and warming up, but I hope to play, it's really the only way I'll learn and improve. So far, rugby has been awesome and I'm slowly learning, hopefully getting better, but I'm probably not the best judge of that.

In Other News:
          My roomie got a working fridge! YAY! This is exciting. Extremely exciting. Especially after the ordeal of Fridge Numero Uno that forgot how to fridge. It decided to succumb to the Long Island way and decide to just stay room temperature...which for us here on the third floor is somewhere in the fifth level of hell.
          I've been secretly planning a snow dance in hopes that I will see it here on The Island. Hopefully this works, as my rain hopes came true. And if it does snow, I'm sorry Long Island, you can pin that one on me. I'll take the blame. But I'm scared that the dorm, ignoring any outside temperature drop, will remain to be forever the fifth circle in the Inferno. This would be a tragedy.