Should I have looked harder for a J-school?
Should I have sprung the non-existent funds for a private college?
Every hundredth time I am asked "Why'd you choose Stony Brook?" I lose a little bit of the purpose and conviction I came here with. Every time someone says these sickening words, I believe my answer a little less.
Now I question myself.
Not because it's small, or new (actually, I like that). Not because Stony Brook cannot be found by noses far above my head.
I remain quite confident in the professors I've met and my abilities to withstand professors that may lack their own ability to teach and nurture minds.
The one question I'm asking is: What the hell did I step into?
This funny, quirky world of the J-school also has an eery tinge that I can't stomach. Something is off.
I've made it sound more sinister than it may come to you, but that's how I feel about it. Two truly alarming qualities, one that Stony Brook can't help. But another that they can.
No one can be held responsible for vultures: Students (or anyone) of an unbearable competitive nature that feeds off of the bones of others. No, Stony Brook, I won't blame you for the assholes. There are many of them in the world. I'm just going to have to suck it up.
I am going to hold you responsible for your microscopic view. I think (I hope) you're working on one aspect of this problem: The focus on Long Island and New York. I've brought it up. Yes, New York is a hub for journalism. That's great. It's one of the reasons I chose your school. But I'm not really looking to stay in this area. Or even the United States.
The second aspect is one that I'm only picking up on as I talk to other students and continue in the program. There is a huge focus on hard news. Which is great. I love hard news. But I also love other forms of journalism. Now, I will say, I'm not so sure how much of an issue this is. As I'm new and fresh, I don't have a gauge for real problems in the program. But I have ears. I listen.
Why would I want to go to a school where all the other people in my program question why the hell I came from so far to go there? When I hear complaints. The same complaints. Over and over. Is that not supposed to corrode my confidence and happiness over time?
I'm hoping I can bring a bit of Alaskan-ness to the J-school and mix it up a bit. I'm hoping I can withstand these decaying wounds to my conviction.
In the end, I want to go places, Stony Brook. I want to inspire and inform.
I thought I made the right choice. Am I listening to the wrong people? Or will I find the same frustration?
This isn't a critique. It's just worried thoughts from a girl who wants to bring a little change to the world. Who has no clue how to do it yet.
In the end do I even need a degree in Journalism? It's not really required. Even to achieve brilliance. So really, J-schools need to bring something extra to to the table to entice it's students to stay. What are you giving me that I could not possibly give up for something that could be more enjoyable or help me more? If i am of any bright mind, I need not stay.
Can you help me? Or do you just want to mold me into what you think a journalist should be?
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteSome places in this world are negative. They ooze negativity from the very core of the city. Perhaps it is the areas destructive history or perhaps it is the current occupants of the area that have brought their combative behavior with them from whence they came. It seems that when higher populations of people congregate in one area the more we become fragmented and disintegrated, we no longer have the skills or the will to be a cohesive group. I believe that this adds to the competitive dog eat dog situations that you and I have both experienced in the recent months.
ReplyDeleteDo you need a degree in journalism to be a journalist writing words worth reading? No. Do you need the degree to open the doors for the interviews? Yes. Do you need to obtain your degree from Stony Brook? No, especially if they are not providing you with the environment to learn and grow your skills. The other students that are questioning you about why you came so far to attend school there are just jealous of your courage. I think that those people, who say these negative things to you, would not have the guts to move to Fairbanks Alaska and attend UAF.
Stay your course if it makes you happy, and if you can see the ends to the means that will bring you joy in the future. And, as you know, it is okay to change your course. It is a long road ahead so planning for your future is of the upmost importance. It is also a short road to be enjoyed with a merry heart. Our purpose and conviction is with time a changing target, a changing goal.
P.S. going into debt for a private school... not a good financial choice in my opinion. :)
Delete